I sit here, in the messy heap of toys and books. Sleepy still, having gotten up several times at night to nurse the baby. Any hopes of coffee helping me through the morning were gone because it has already grown cold.
My toddler tugging at my sleeve demanding I read her another book, using a tone with me she knows she isn’t suppose to. Her demands wake the baby up who is due for another feeding.
I just want some hot breakfast and some quiet and more sleep. I want my husband to not be at another meeting but be here helping me. I want both of my kids to nap. I want my home to be clean.
Negativity clouds my mind and the parade of bitter thoughts continue marching through my brain.
Then I picture myself twenty, thirty years later. Sitting in my clean house, sipping on my hot coffee and having a quiet time to read my bible. All rested and refreshed from the night. No toys littering the floor, no little hands pulling on my sleeve. Just quiet. My children all grown up, and moved out. No one demanding I read them another story or needing me to tell them they can’t have another cookie.
I saw myself sitting there and felt my heart yearning for my little children. I was enjoying my hot coffee but aching for my children to be little again and my home to be full of noise. I was sitting there and thinking that those where the good days. That was the time of my life. Being among my little people delighting in their first steps, laughing at their silliness, reading them their favorite books. When they were my world, and the days revolved around naps and snack time.
So here I am today. In the best years of my life. Finding it hard to be joyful. People say “you’re going to miss this” and it sounds so clique and is hardly ever helpful in the moment. But really, Im going to be sitting alone in an empty house one day missing moments like the one I’m in.
This is the best time of my life. These are the best years, and they will be over soon. So instead of wishing it to be easier already, Im going to hold on a little longer and savor it a little more.